why i still can't take it easy

same thing keeps come into my mind
now i know
i still can't get along with what has been agreed before this
i still need time to over come this
force to learn
force to be more mature
either in my thought or relationship
if not my action will seems like i am not planning for future


well...
frankly speaking
i am not really confident in what i am having now
i still lack of confidence
and feeling not secure somehow
who is going to handle this situation?
for sure is me
he is not the someone like my past
he will not really accept whatever i said as long as he feels i am wrong
ok
that has become usual event between us
starts to numb with the situation
maybe i look like so mature if u treat me as friend
but if u are in the position of being my partner
u will start to feel the difference
i will call u whenever i miss u
i will tell u something that u might not interest with
that is me
those are my behavior which i think my ex can't really tolerate with
haha
is it better to stay alone rather than being couple?
i wish to have a happy ending with u although i like to make u jealous sometimes
but after tonight
i really feel lost
i don't know which action i take is the best for us
i know it looks like i don't plan to take any action in changing myself to suit the long distance relationship
maybe i have lost the enthusiasm?
maybe i don't have the initiative to change?
will these feeling remain the same after we meet this Thursday?
become better? or become worst?
we have not meet for a long time
within the period
we have gone through arguing, conflict, "cooling period"
do these make us understand each other better?
i am not sure
i am not regretting to be with u
just starts to feel tired somehow