2012 Valentines Day

well
as everyone around me are not celebrating
i can say nothing too at this juncture

my friend asked me about the valentines present when she met me yesterday
i just give her a smile and said:"i have nothing to receive as he is always too busy with his work."
i didnt lie
it is truth
i didnt mean to blame him while i said this
because i know that i also quite busy since a week before valentines
this makes us unable to stay with each other long time
(maybe he blame me about this inside his heart? i dont know and wont know if he didnt say)

he also keep busy with his intern at Singapore + teaching music classes and band during weekend at Malaysia
i know all these things
and i know he did preparing something for me
but
there is still a little hope in my heart say to me that
i mean it while i asking for my present
i really mean it
i dont mind what you want to give me
i dont mind how cheap or how bad it is
but it is something you do for me at least
every time when i asking "where is my present?"
i already know what kind of answer will be
"still in process darling"
"you know i am busy right? just wait for few more days"
"i need to do my report and after i done it is already night"
well....
if you were me, what will you feel?
"oh, i should forgive him for all these"
"i shouldn't blame him for not giving me present"
or "it's my wrong, i should think on behalf of him"
all of these answer do cross my mind before this
but i think the most suitable answer will be "if you cant finish or prepare the present on time, then is better you tell me you got nothing for me during this valentine's day"
is it more easier for you and me?
you no need to worry about when you should finish the thing
no need to hear the same question from me everyday
and i also no need to keep asking for this
i just being honestly
i ask what i really want from you
this is what you told me before and i promise you that time
but now
is it hopeless? or i shouldn't think like this?
few years before
with my ex
we also cant celebrate valentine's day together because of distance between us and some other factors
i also didnt blame you for not celebrating with me
i am busy at AKEPT for programme that time
but somehow i do receive present from my ex before the valentine's day
if not mistaken is on 2009
the first present i received
and now
you said that for those couples who stay far away with each other
we should think that it is valentine's day for us everyday
do you think like this too?
then better you no need to prepare anything for me
it is no longer a valentine's present
it is better you keep it until next time
sorry to say this
sorry for yesterday's silence
but this is what i mean and what i want actually
dont tried to give me lecture or try to alter my mind set for this
i wont compromise for everything you say to me after this
i give up and i wont ask for anything after this