Force to abandon

There were many things happened today. Many, many things. All things came together and too sudden and make me feel like i can't do anything for all these.

The reason i write this entry is not going to blame someone, it is just a place for me to express my feeling and what cross in my mind for today's incidents.

Actually today will be a great day since i get an off day and finally get the chance to open an account in Maybank for my first month salary. 10 minutes before going out, mentor of UA UPSI called me. The first thing she asked when i picked up the phone is "Boleh pergi Vietnam?". It was a shock for me at that moment, but after that i realise that this is what i hope for along this whole year. 

Why i say so? Ok, let me tell you now. Since November of last year, me and another 4 person have been chosen as University Ambassador for UPSI (my uni) and we have put our effort in attending every workshop held and also conducted the programme in this year February until April. At the last of our programme, we have promised with MOHE and also mentor of UPSI that we are going to produce our own coffee table as a memory and appreciation for all organisation and people who has been involve directly or indirectly in this programme. Of course,  i am the one who need to keep follow up with all the details of this coffee table. Just like what Dr. Hjh. Zainab and Kak Zura said, i am the one in 5 UAs who will answer phone when they called. Is this meant to praise me? I don't know, but i wish they think so.

I still remember in the first few days i went to Ipoh for practical, Dr. Hjh., the mentor of UA UPSI called. She did mention about iParents is the most being mention in UA's mentor meeting and she has been promote to become the pioneer to train the other people about the organisation and process in making parents involve in their children's learning journey. Some more, she did tell me about MOHE's planning on sending one UA from each university which taken part in the whole programme to oversea as a token of appreciation and also outdoor learning for those who will involve later. The thing which cross in my mind is "Is Dr. Hjh. told me only about this? Does it mean i am the one whom she will consider first if MOHE ask her to give a name?". 

Now i know the answer, what i think at that time is correct. She called me in the morning and told about the programme by MOHE under YSS which going to send one UA from each university to Vietnam for 2 weeks to attend some volunteering programme there. What is my feeling at that time? Of course very happy since my hard work is being appreciated. I told my mum regarding this right after i put down the call. But she gave me an unbelievable answer "Don't go. Your father will give the same answer also if you ask him.". What a joke? But i tried. As i am tied with my working contract, i need to ask permission from my manager first before i agree to go with the programme. Now you know the answer right? My manager decline for it as it is difficult to arrange working schedule if i want to take 2 week's leave. I did not blame him for this. I am working now of course i need to give full commitment for my work.

Somehow, i feel lost and uneasy with the ending like this. It is not going to compare the value of going to that programme and continue working. All kind of these trips or programmes will give priceless value to me. My parent did not understand and will not understand about the importance of this to me.For them, if i really go, they need to worry about me and my safety. For a parent, it is normal to think so, i admit it too. 

So, what should be done now? After a whole year's hard work, and now i can't really enjoy the token for my hard work. Hah. Forget about that. I am just nobody, i am NOTHING.

cry-wash face-eat-sleep-get back to work tomorrow. 

The Sun will still up there by tomorrow morning. The day night will still take turn no matter how you feel. Be strong. Be happy.