Ending? Or Starting?

Well, lots of things happened in the past few months. As u can see and read and feel from my previous post, is regarding a very important person. Haha. Who's that?

Be frank, i never doubt of the feeling generated towards him, until another him appear. Wow. Just suddenly and this new guy nearly overtake him. How was it happened? Long story though. His is also part of the reason why i am suffering from severe headache now.

Everyone needs someone to care about, to concern about. No one deny it. Right? Me, as well. Always, people tag me as the silly side who is always willing to do anything and always waiting there for my love one. Ya i am. But what's wrong with this? I know this will pampered the guy for not to be so care about me, as i am always following him, and when he turns around his head, i am always there. Hah! Weird character right? But that's me.

Last month, another him jumps into my life, and all other starts to mess up. At this side, i am waiting for an answer from him; another side, this guy is waiting my answer to him; easier to describe, i love him, he love me, we are in triagle and complicated relationship. My mind and insist keep shaking off by this guy, bit by bit. Why so? Nothing much he did, just the same thing with what have i done for him.

A day before to batam, i was with this new guy. I was feeling not well that time while he is around, and i made a stupid statement and tell him "if there is really no respond from him, let us be together after i come back, i have been tired of waiting and sacrificed for a no hope chance". The next day, when in Batam, i asked for confirmation from the guy i love. He keep quiet all the time while i was talking while crying with tears all along. There are a lots of misunderstanding between, and no matter how hard the life with him is, my heart still choose to be his side. What to do? I am always not a rasional person, my heart talks louder than my mind.

So, come back, tell him the truth, which is also hurting him at the same time. Ya, i am so cruel and keep tearing apart other's heart and feel without care about the consequences. I am guilty. He is nearly perfect if i am materialistic. Is just, i really couldn't tell myself that "leave the one you love, and go for the one who love you more", is not easy to make it, and my heart not allow.

I am not sure whether Mr. D know all this or not. He is like doesn't care and let me to do my things all by myself, and never ask. Actually, i need him to make myself stronger, and guide me how should i deal with all these.

At this moment, after 8 years, i am lost again..